Blog 73: Rediscovering Yourself: A Mother's Guide to Selfcare and Empowerment with Tracey
Tracey shares insights into balancing motherhood and rediscovering personal identity.
Introduction
Introducing Tracey, and like many of us, she has worn many hats—mum, beauty therapist, coach, and counsellor. While these titles tell part of her story, the honest Tracey is found in her deep empathy and passion for helping others. Her journey has been shaped by learning, growing, and constantly rediscovering herself, mainly as she helps mums and women in their 30s and 40s reconnect with their identities. Let’s explore the path to selfcare, inner work, and personal growth together!
Tracey, tell me about yourself, your personality, and your passion. How do you serve yourself? Also, how do you serve the community?
This is always an interesting question—"Tell me about yourself." So many of us respond with, "I'm a mum, a wife, or insert job title here." These are all titles, but who am I really? That's a great question.
I'm Tracey. I'm a huge empath, a caring and compassionate person who feels deeply. I'm also a mum to two young children, a beauty therapist and a lash technician, and I've completed studies in Counselling and Coaching in NLP and Hypnosis. Helping others has always been my passion, shaping my journey over the last two decades.
Regarding selfcare, I'll admit I need to practice what I preach, but I love learning and often find myself going down rabbit holes of discovery. I believe in the saying, "If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room," I always think there's something to learn from everyone.
I've just launched my home-based salon and coach and counsel online. My goal is to create a membership that supports mums and women in their 30s and 40s to rediscover their identity, especially through the big shifts that come with becoming a mother.
10 Questions for Tracey
- What are some common challenges mums face when rediscovering their identity after having kids?
A common challenge that comes up with identity after having kids is the fact that often you are given a baby at the hospital, sent on your way with a new name, "mum". Everyone calls you mum, even if you are not their mum! So, there is a new label that is suddenly your new identity, yet everyone else is also called mum. What happened to the old you? You are still there deep down inside. In my opinion, there is an unrealistic expectation put on us as mums to be the same, have the same aspirations and goals and live for our kids, yet I think there is a huge realisation a few years in that we cannot just be mum we need to rediscover ourselves in the process of taking on our new identity and letting both shines.
I think some mums really do tip themselves into being a mum and serving their kids with the selfcare falling to the weigh side; this often shows in some of my clients in the space of burnout, overwhelmed and anger outbursts; it feels like you are no longer the person you used to be or even know and that's when the realisation was for me to have to start doing some inner work and personal development, along with selfcare.
2. How can NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and hypnosis help mums overcome feeling lost or disconnected?
NLP is great for changing mental and emotional states. It works by rewiring the neural pathways in your brain to help you move past limiting beliefs, habits, and unconscious behaviours. It's about how we think, behave, and create reality for ourselves. We filter everything through our senses, and then we decode it. But sometimes, that coding gets distorted or generalised, or we block certain things entirely.
For example, thinking and speaking more positively can shift your perspective. You can also become aware of specific "anchors" you have—emotional triggers tied to certain feelings—and in coaching, we work with these to create better outcomes.
A powerful way to change your state is to pull your shoulders back and think about a time when you felt empowered and confident. If you're feeling disempowered, imagine stepping into an "empowerment circle" and really embodying that confident state. Of course, this can be easier said than done, especially when caught in a spiral of negative thoughts. That's where a counsellor or coach can provide an outside perspective.
Sometimes, it helps to visualise yourself stepping out of your body and picturing your future self. This can help you tap into feelings of happiness and calm right now. Often, we get stuck either reliving the past or worrying about the future, and we lose focus on how we're feeling in the present. We're trapped in the "I can't feel happy until I have this" mindset—the classic "if and then" thinking. NLP and hypnosis can help break that cycle and solve the problem.
3. What role does self-compassion play in a mum's personal development journey, and how can she cultivate it?
Self-compassion is the ultimate secret to personal development, but how do we cultivate it? The first step is awareness. Self-awareness is critical to understanding what we need and creating space for self-compassion. Developing self-awareness is simple but requires practice. Start by pausing, taking a deep breath, and noticing how you feel. Are you anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed? Then, ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”
If that’s hard to answer, try stepping outside and viewing your situation as if you’re looking back at yourself. Ask again, “What do I need right now?” Another helpful method is to imagine a friend in your shoes—what advice would you give them if they came to you with the same issue or were overwhelmed?
With consistent practice, these techniques will help cultivate self-compassion and eventually become an unconscious problem-solving tool.
4. What are some practical exercises or mindset shifts that can help mums reconnect with their true selves while managing the demands of motherhood?
Meditation, self-compassion, journaling, and selfcare are crucial tools, even if they can be challenging to incorporate into a busy life. A helpful way to initiate a shift in mindset is to acknowledge what you're experiencing in the present moment. Ask yourself, "What's the issue, and why does it feel uncomfortable?" This self-inquiry, coupled with self-compassion and journaling, can provide a sense of understanding and support.
Usually, when something feels off, it's because it's clashing with your core values, which are closely tied to your identity. Significant lifestyle changes, like motherhood, can make us feel out of alignment. Reconnecting with yourself is about tapping back into those core values and realigning with your true self.
Some tips on how to do this would be setting boundaries, gratitude practices, daily feelings check-ins, micro selfcare moments, delegating or asking for help, relaxing your expectations, control or standards, and mindfully swapping hats, which means being mindful to close and transition into a new one, e.g. work mode to mum mode.
5. How does 1:1 coaching help mum change their mindset and lifestyle?
Simply put, 1:1 coaching unpacks limiting beliefs, generalisations, values, and identity. Together, we work through what's holding you back. Having a neutral person to guide you makes a huge difference. Coaching isn't about telling you what to do—it's about asking the right questions and collaborating in a neutral, non-judgmental space to help you grow.
A coach doesn’t have all the answers; those answers are within you. Sometimes, you just need someone to ask the right questions that get you thinking about the bigger picture and help you uncover your own truths. Remember, finding a coach that feels like a good fit for you is not just important; it's crucial to a successful journey. Your choice of coach can significantly impact your personal growth.
You might have a great friend you rely on to discuss things, but sometimes friends can be biased because they know your situation. They might agree with you to avoid upsetting you, or they might not have the right advice to help you move forward, keeping you stuck in a victim mindset or even unintentionally exaggerating your issues. While not all friends are like this, it's essential to be mindful of energy drainers and people who keep you in a negative loop. Conversely, a coach is trained to help you see the bigger picture and move past those mental blocks.
6. How do you guide mums to balance their personal growth with the responsibilities of raising kids?
We are all working on our personal growth, whether we realise it or not. Our daily decisions shape our future. It can be incredibly challenging with kids; I often feel overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out. That's why I rely on psychologists and coaches to help me gain perspective and provide tools and guidance for personal growth. This is exactly what I help other mums with.
Our journey begins with identifying the challenges we face and then working together to find solutions and restore balance. As mothers, we often find ourselves prioritising everyone else's needs, often at our own expense. When we do consider selfcare, it's usually in the context of relaxing activities like spa days or bubble baths. While these are certainly enjoyable, I believe true self-care is more profound and transformative.
It involves regularly checking in with yourself about your responsibilities as a parent. How can you expect those around you to thrive if you don't prioritise your wellbeing and growth? Just as we teach our kids new skills—like riding a bike, walking, or writing—we should also focus on personal growth.
It's not about being perfect; it's about being 1% better than yesterday. If you have a great day, a great week, a great month, or even a great year, that's fantastic! But if you trip up, you don't decide never to walk again—you keep going. The same goes for those 'off days' or perceived 'failures'. We need to acknowledge them and then let them go.
7. What advice would you give to a mum who feels guilty about prioritising her needs and development?
First, I'd ask, what is the guilt you're holding onto? Whose voice is that? Where is the guilt coming from? Who said you need to feel guilty, and who benefits from that guilt? I understand "mum guilt," but it shouldn't hinder your personal needs and development. You need to normalise the experience; we all feel guilty at times. Reframing the guilt as a sign of something needing to change, not as a barrier, and start small. You do not need to go on a 1-week holiday on your own; it might be as little as a 1-hour appointment to get a massage or read a book.
By neglecting your own growth, you’re doing everyone a disservice. Think of all the skills, tools, and techniques you could learn through self-improvement that you can pass on to your children and loved ones. Prioritising yourself isn’t selfish; it’s an investment in your family’s future and a source of inspiration for them.
8. How do you help mums set realistic goals for personal development while still managing the unpredictability of family life?
This one is close to my heart! Life as a mum is often unpredictable, and daily responsibilities make it easy to feel overwhelmed. To set realistic goals, start with self-awareness and compassion. Understand your core values and know yourself as much as possible.
Then, work on SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. While many are familiar with this format, the key aspect is ensuring the goals are truly realistic. Often, people know what they don’t want—for instance, “I don’t want to struggle financially”—but they may set goals related to outcomes they can’t control, like winning the lottery, or unrealistic expectations, such as making a million dollars by the end of next week without any means to do so.
This is where breaking down goals and reverse engineering them becomes essential. A realistic goal for someone managing a busy family life is getting through a load of washing today. When you achieve that goal, you build belief in yourself, which fosters confidence. This confidence can lead to the growth necessary to tackle larger goals in the future.
Remember to remain flexible with your goals, celebrate small wins, and regularly reflect on your progress. It’s also beneficial to share your goals with someone who can provide support and accountability. This approach helps you navigate the unpredictability of family life while still prioritizing your personal development. Embracing flexibility in your goals can bring a sense of relief and reduce the pressure you may feel.
9. What is one powerful strategy you've seen help mums rediscover their confidence and passion after becoming a parent?
Being honest and vulnerable first! Becoming self-aware and building on your awareness involves checking in with your feelings and setting clear, achievable goals. Reaching out for help through coaching or counselling can also be incredibly beneficial. When you're honest with yourself (this isn't about limiting beliefs, as those are beliefs, not truths), being vulnerable helps you realise what's going on within and remember that 'thoughts are not facts'.
Once you become aware, it's essential to journal your thoughts. Getting it out of your head and onto paper can be really freeing. Remember, thoughts are not facts. I like to reflect on a time when I felt confident or passionate. Ask yourself, "What was going on for me at those times? Where do I feel confident or passionate now?"
It might take a bit of digging, but when you realise this and become clear on your purpose, you're on the right path to rediscovering your confidence and passion.
10. Something I Wish People Knew About Me?
I’ve always been hard on myself, often acting as a people pleaser and grappling with limiting beliefs about not being smart enough. Sometimes, these feelings still pop up and can hold me back from sharing my true self. However, I’m on a personal development journey, working to overcome these challenges. I’m also an empath, which means I care deeply about others and their feelings.
If people are interested in following you, please provide your details:
I have two businesses - counselling and coaching:
Beauty lashes:
Top Quotes
Tracey like these quotes:
“If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Albert Einstein
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasures that you seek.” Joseph Campbell.
Mukti likes these quotes:
“Caring for yourself is just as important as caring for others.” D Hayley D Quinn
“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” M. Scott Peck
“A strong woman understands that the gifts such as logic, decisiveness, and strength are just as feminine as intuition and emotional connection. She values and uses all of her gifts.” Nancy Rathburn
“Taking care of myself doesn’t mean ‘me first’. It means ‘me too’” L.R. Knosts
Questions and Reflections
1. What limiting beliefs are holding me back from reaching my full potential?
- How can I balance my mother's responsibilities with my personal goals?
- What is one thing I can do today to nurture myself?
Conclusion
Rediscovering yourself as a mum can be challenging, but it's also an incredible opportunity for growth. In this blog, Tracey's goal is to create a space where you feel supported and inspired, whether through selfcare practices, mindset shifts, or embracing empathy. Remember, prioritising your personal growth isn't just for you—it benefits everyone around you. Let's continue to make space for that journey, one mindful moment at a time.
Connect with me:
Join the Gang: Join our community and share your experiences, insights, and any burning questions you have. Let’s build a supportive space where growth and transformation aren’t just goals—they’re what we do!
Here’s to a more vibrant, energised, and thriving you!
Thanks for being here, and let’s kickstart your growth and toast to your successes as you unlock your full potential!
Do you have questions? Don’t be shy—drop me a line! I love chatting with our awesome community.
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With much Love
Mukti Santos
“When you say ‘yes’ to others make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” Paulo Coelho
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