Blog 72: Unseen, Unacknowledged, Unbearable: The Invisible Labour of Motherhood
Discover the hidden burdens of motherhood and learn practical strategies to lighten your load and prioritise your wellbeing.
Introduction
Hey, mums, let's have an honest conversation. Do you ever feel like you're juggling everything—work, kids, the house, and all the invisible stuff that no one notices? You know, the doctor's appointments, the school projects, remembering to buy more toilet paper, and planning meals for the week?
It's called invisible labour, a load many mums carry without acknowledgment. While we manage to keep things running, it can often feel overwhelming. In this blog, we'll talk about invisible labour, why it matters, and how to manage it to preserve your sanity.
What is Invisible Labour?
While these tasks may seem small, they add up, creating stress and mental exhaustion. The kicker? Most people don’t realise you’re doing them all.
Invisible labour is all the mental and emotional work that goes unnoticed. It’s the constant running checklist in your mind, the behind-the-scenes coordination, and the emotional labour that goes into keeping everything and everyone running smoothly.
Examples include:
- Keeping track of everyone’s schedules
- Knowing when your child has outgrown their shoes
- Managing school forms, appointments, and birthdays
- Remember to stock the house with essentials (seriously, why does everyone run out of socks simultaneously?)
While these tasks may seem small, they add up, creating stress and mental exhaustion. The kicker? Most people don’t realise you’re doing them all.
Why Mums Carry This Load
Mums tend to take on the invisible labour due to social expectations, cultural norms, and being the family's go-to person. It's often assumed that we'll take care of the little things, from planning birthday parties to ensuring the pantry is stocked. Sometimes, it's because we're better at multitasking (let's face it, we are), but other times, it's because we feel like if we don't do it, no one will.
But carrying all this can leave us feeling drained, unappreciated, and sometimes resentful. It can also affect our mental and physical health.
Steps to Lighten the Load
While invisible labour won't magically disappear, there are ways to lighten the mental burden and find more balance. Here are some steps to help you manage:
1. Acknowledge It
The first step to tackling invisible labour is recognising it exists. Don't dismiss your feelings when you feel overwhelmed. This isn't about doing more; it's about noticing how much you already do.
2. Communicate with Your Partner or Family
If you have a partner, have an open conversation about the invisible labour you carry. Sometimes, they genuinely don't realise how much you're juggling. Explain that mental work is work, too, and consider dividing tasks more equally. If your kids are old enough, get them involved as well! Even small contributions help take the weight off.
3. Set Boundaries
It's okay to say "no." You don't have to be the one handling everything. Sometimes, it means letting go of perfection and asking for help. Setting boundaries with yourself and others can protect your energy and create more balance in your life.
4. Delegate and Automate
Where possible, delegate tasks, whether asking your partner to handle school forms or automating grocery deliveries; every little bit counts. You free up mental space for yourself by handing off a few things.
5. Prioritise Selfcare
Selfcare often takes a back seat when you constantly do things for others. But here's the thing—selfcare isn't selfish. It's essential. Whether taking a 5-minute breather with a cup of tea or finding time for a relaxing bath, those moments help recharge your battery. Selfcare will make you a better, more present mum.
Benefits of Lightening the Load
- Improved Mental Health: By sharing responsibilities and lightening your mental load, you reduce stress and anxiety, giving your brain more room to breathe.
- Better Relationships: When less overwhelmed, you’re more present with your partner and kids, strengthening your connection.
- More Time for Yourself: Let’s be honest—when you’re not managing everyone else’s life, you can finally focus on what makes you happy. Imagine having time for a hobby, a workout, or a guilt-free nap!
Top Quotes
“This is motherhood for you,' said my own mother. ‘Going through life with your heart outside your body.'” —Jennifer Weiner
"The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that — a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.” ―Debra Ginsberg
“Motherhood has relaxed me in many ways. You learn to deal with crisis. I’ve become a juggler, I suppose. It’s all a big circus, and nobody who knows me believes I can manage, but sometimes I do.” —Jane Seymour
“Becoming a mother has made me next-level confident. I’ve never felt more empowered.” —Kelly Clarkson
“You don’t take a class; you’re thrown into motherhood and learn from experience.” —Jennie Finch
“Real motherhood is different. It’s better and it’s messier and it’s more complicated. It will break your heart and make you laugh harder than you ever imagined." —Melanie Shankle
3 Questions and Reflections
- How often do I feel overwhelmed by the mental load of family life, and what can I do to ease that pressure?
- Are there any invisible tasks I’m doing that I can delegate or entirely let go of?
- What would it feel like to set boundaries around my time and energy, and how can I begin implementing them?
Conclusion
Mums, we often carry so much on our shoulders—both visible and invisible. But you don't have to do it all. Acknowledge the load, ask for help, and find moments for yourself in the middle of the chaos. Remember, selfcare is not a luxury; it's a necessity. The invisible labour may not disappear, but by sharing the burden and prioritising selfcare, you’ll feel more empowered and less drained. You deserve that!
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With much Love
Mukti Santos
“Be a full person. Motherhood is a glorious gift, but do not define yourself solely by motherhood. Be a full person. Your child will benefit from that.” —Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
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